U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
only you would photoshop your dick
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
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