cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
