I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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