i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
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