i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
