in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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