i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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