shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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