fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
