Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Do you remember whose house we're in?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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