i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You have to summon your inner elephant
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
