There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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