you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
