i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
she peed on how many people?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
