i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
