What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
