i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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