who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
