So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
