I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I love having hate sex.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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