now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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