True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
