he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
You made out with two different species that night
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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