Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i love accidental penises.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
