cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize