well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
ok first of all what the fuck
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
