I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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