I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
