Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i just made my gag reflex go away.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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