I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Randomize
