It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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