you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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