It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
porn star boner night. come get it.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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