I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
