you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
