did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
