just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
