ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize