When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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