We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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