u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
