I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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