you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
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