I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
