His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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