if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
