I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
