nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
