So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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