I hope mine doesn't look like that
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Randomize
