so that wasnt chicken after all
false alarm. still invincible.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize
