Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
