I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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