Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize