Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
