Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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