In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Sext me about skeletons
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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