good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
