i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
