There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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