Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
