That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
