I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
