I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
