1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize