On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
