booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize