I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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