wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
