don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
