tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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