O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Randomize
