I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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