I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
