my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
