I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
