u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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