I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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