I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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