i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
