So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
