if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
