Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
