I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
