2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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