i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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