waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
