Who wears a wallet chain?!
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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